This is one thing I have on my mind. Are my friends worth having, and worth the effort I put into having relationships with them? I think its' a very valid question for anyone I am a friend with. Do i get as much fulfillment out of the relationship as the other side does, and if not, what is the imbalance?
Now claiming there is an imbalance definitely causes a big
red flag for most people. Why should you have to get as much out of a
relationship as your friend? Well let’s think about it. If you paid $25 for a
small candy bar, is that fair? So how is it fair if my friend enjoys the tenants
of our friendship? Obviously, a friendship isn’t a business relationship, but
why do we see it like that? Why do we think business is always cold and
friendship is always something warm? Having friends should provide benefits to
us. Otherwise, it isn’t really of use. Now, benefits don’t have to be the same
type. You can have a jobless friend that
provides great company, but you have to pay for some activities that friend
cannot afford. If having the friend is worth it you’d be glad to pay. But if
you didn’t enjoy every moment with the friend… why pay? Lots of people will
refuse to correct this imbalance when it becomes less tangible. It’s easy to
shoo away a friend who has no money because we think he or she is a bum. But a
friend who is a complete asshole we keep because we admire some traits. Well,
what traits are worth having? If you are miserable around that person but he or
she inspires you, why waste time? You can admire the successes of people from
afar. It’s quite easy to do.
Now I have a friend where I am getting less and less
emotional fulfillment out of, and it is becoming more and more expensive emotionally
and financially. So what should my response be? Well, I figure it should be to
wean down the time I spend with this friend. If I’m not getting anything out of
it, why waste more resources on something that will never help me?
